Lighter Side Date with Joe

When I spoke to my best friend Jamie about my actions she paused and said, "That was so mature of you." Now I take this as a positive sign because my actions were in relation to a guy. When provoked, I am not as mature around them that I would like. 

Hello, my name is Caroline and I am registered on Match.com. Internet dating is such a odd social taboo to admit. Sure, you can brag about how your picked up a complete stranger in a bar while in a drunken stoop and your friends will commend you. But tell someone that you met someone online and you had a cup of coffee with them and instantly you are dating Charles Manson.

I wasn't dating Charles Manson. I was dating Joe, a sweet, sharp guy from Wisconsin who could pass for Matt Damon's brother. Our first date was in a dive bar and lasted from 10:30pm to 2am with the conversation never ceasing. It was nice. Joe ended it with a hug. Nice. He asked me to call him sometime. A bit odd.. but whatever, woman can ask men out, no biggie. I waited a few days and then asked him out. He jumped at the opportunity and we made plans to meet at the 515, a nice fancy-ish lounge. I got all dressed up nice and was really looking forward to the date. The date was just as nice as the first, it lasted from 9pm to 12 midnight. He was all smiles and telling me how much he enjoyed the place I picked. As we left the lounge, I expected, well... a kiss or something... hell it was at this spot that Daniel grabbed me on our first date and went in for a kiss.. but here was Joe just waving me goodbye and telling me to call him again to hang out. I gave him an odd stare and he gave me a nice friendly hug. I walked to my car, pissed and confused. Was this just a midwest thing, wanting to take it slow and be a gentleman? Why was he asking me to make plans again? 

I spoke to a few friends about it and one girl commented that her husband didn't kiss her for the first two months they were dating. I winced. Great. But all my friends agreed that him asking me to make plans was weird. 

Yesterday I pretty much had my fill. Here was labor day weekend, three days of free time for the both of us and he didn't want to make any plans. I wrote him a polite email saying goodbye, that I think he is great but I prefer to date men who show more initiative. I wasn't sure how he would take it, maybe he was super interested but just shy. Maybe he is just bad at dating and more used to being a boyfriend. His answer... 

"I think I am just not at a point in my life where dating and such things are clear priorities for me. Just trying to have more fun and do whatever strikes me at the moment." There it was my answer. No long drawn out conversations with my girlfriends about, "I wonder what Joe is thinking." I just put my cards on the table and he answered. Joe is thinking fun. Joe just wants to strike his fancy with whatever. I have a lot of guy friends who don't want to date and just want to have fun. It is ok, no harm no foul.. but know what they do? They sit their asses on the couch with a beer in their hand and not spend $$ on a friggin *dating* website! 

End of Summer - Most Life Changing Summer of My Life

So I didn't write during this summer. Fitting though that I write again on Labor Day weekend, the end of summer. 

This has been one of the most life changing summers of my life, unfortunately filled with more downsides than upsides. 

It was on Easter morning that I got a call from my sister-in-law. I was spending that morning relaxing with my boyfriend Daniel and we were joking how much we wanted bagels on Easter morning. (He's Jewish and I am not). When the phone call came and my sister in law told me what hospital my brother Jon had been admitted to the night before, both bagels and Daniel vanished from my thoughts, and I raced to Jon's bedside. That day began my summer from hell. Three months of driving to the hospital, waiting in ICU rooms, watching my big brother slowly fall apart due to Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma cancer. He died on July 1st 2008. 

While that main plot line was going on in my life, I had several subplots of stress. I was still in school for my green MBA, full time and I was working full time. While I had Daniel during all those months, we broke up a week and a half before my brother died and Daniel removed himself completely from my world as he moved to London. My heart was broken in several ways and I don't know how I made it through the month of July 2008. 

Everyone tells me that I am stronger as a result of this past summer. But I think I am strong enough and would be happy to just be allowed to be the scared, weak, girl that I am inside and show very little of on the outside. I can tell cancer stories that I know no one wants to hear. But as I went through my own cancer tale I found that cancer and death is a part of many lives, most people keeping it a secret for the social taboo it is. I get angry at this and want to shout out the stories for the benefit of others that either don't know how to talk to someone in my place or to the people holding their cancer secret stories feeling alone. 

At the end of the day though, I am just a typical 27 yr old girl trying to get started in life.